JUST IN JEST-IV

(The articles titled ‘Just in Jest’ are written just in jest. Cynics to keep away)

‘ How the Bathroom grew in Status’.

 (An article by Lt Gen BPS Mander)

When we joined service in 69, the bathroom and lavatory were separate in most places. Even the Military Engineering Service houses had one joint bathroom, and, one bathroom and lavatory as the second set. One wonders how the British, with all their prudishness, left such a legacy; but I suppose the die-hard habits of the natives superseded sophistication thus managing to retain their time-honoured ways. In any case the arrangement was called the ‘BATHROOM’ not withstanding whether it was separate or together.

I recall that it was around the mid seventies when I had just got married and become a Captain, and was allotted a house, that the bathroom graduated to become a ‘TOILET’. It was the more sophisticated  successor of its predecessor.  Suddenly the mention of ‘bathroom’ appeared to put one in the category of the outdated, coarse and common, devoid of knowledge of the chic language in vogue.

And that was the time that some genius came up with the idea of marking the toilets with playing cards; with the gents toilet represented by the ‘King of Spades’ and the ladies by the ‘Queen of Hearts’. That idea if patented would have earned the guy a fortune; as it still persists in some places till today.

It was after returning from the field and picking up rank of a Major that I discovered that now we no longer asked for the ‘toilet’; we went around the ‘CORNER’, irrespective of whether it was located in one or not. But the King of Spades and the Queen of Hearts were still there.

The items inside the toilet were austere and on ‘need to use’ basis. These primarily consisted of the tooth paste, the brush, a soap and some accessories.

It was only when I left Delhi and travelled east to take over the battalion, that I discovered that ‘going around the corner’ was passe, and it was now a visit to the ‘LOO’. Also gone were the King and Queen, and these had been replaced with the symbolic ‘Moustaches’ and ‘Pigtails’.  This transformation was accompanied by a surge in the items inside the ‘loo’, which grew disproportionately to include various varieties of lotions, soaps, creams and the like.

The performance area in guest rooms was sealed with a sash indicating ‘sanitized for use’, clearly suggesting that it was not so earlier.

And the items were now called ‘toiletries’. All quickly adapted to the change from ‘the corner’ to the ‘loo’, except the quarter master who continued to call it ‘bathroom’. The adjutant once did attempt the onerous task of trying to educate him, but he was in for a shock when the former rebutted saying, ‘hai to bathroom hi na’?

Anyway,  time passed and one did a tenure or two before picking up the rank and heading for Jodhpur. It was around this time that the ‘loo’ lost favour to the ‘WASHROOM’, notwithstanding the fact that washing was not the only thing done there. Be that as it may, when it comes to civil and polite language, the latest is always the best, and all started calling it the Washroom.

But that was not the only change that came about in the system. The moustaches and pigtails got replaced with pants and skirts, though only a very discernable and subtle observer could make out the difference between the two.

It however did not last long. A course mate of mine, loaded with a lot of beers, mistakenly walked into the ladies toilet of DSOI with his zipper down, forcing the management to switch to the more appropriate signs of the photos of ‘Tiger Woods’ and  ‘Lydia Coe’.

This phase lasted for about four years after which I moved on posting to Southern Command on promotion. It was here that I was allotted a house which had ‘POWDER ROOMS’, as these were called by now.By that time, I was dead beat and could not resist asking a very close friend who prides himself on being classy and suave; as to what was this phenomenon. He said, ‘It is nothing. Just normal.  Haven’t you seen the’ lame’ become ‘disabled’, then ‘handicapped’ and now ‘differently abled’? I was convinced.

 

On one of my visits, I noticed that though the number of items in the toiletries remained the same; some items had been miniaturised. I asked the reason for it and was told that it was due to misappropriation of items by some of us not blessed with a reasonable OLQ. That left me in the ‘powder room’ with a soap that could be used only once and a tooth paste, the size of a pea nut, that could be used only half a time, ie, if you used it in the morning, there wasn’t any for the night.

At this time, being in Pune, I went to the Osho Ashram for a visit. And here, there was something not seen anywhere earlier. Not only were powder rooms marked ‘HE’ and ‘SHE’, there was one called ‘US’.

When I queried that in a toilet, the ‘inside job’ is an individual performance, so what is the concept of ‘US’, as it indicates collective activity. I was told that that the bathing area was common for men and women while the lavatory was separate. That is when I realised that the names had come a full circle. We were back to where we started with the MES. I retired, content that the circle was over till on my drive to Delhi I came across the board ‘Conveniences and Comforts’, this way.

That killed it…….